I just wanna be happy.

But seriously, I have so many bad days lately that i'm actually getting used to. Seriously the shit that happens to me and I tell people and they're like, you what?

Let's start with Tuesday  hmm.

Oh yeah I had a nice day apart from half my college mates not turning up. So I took the opportunity to know Tim. I mean he is sweet but that day I really just wanted to crawl in a corner in the libary and go to sleep. But everytime I mentioned how tired I was he invited me to his house and I was like no..I barely know you ..and I'm funny with guys with stuff like that, it's like giving them an invitation to get it on with you.

So we cruised round town all day and got to know each other and it was quite fun you know, I'd spoke to him twice before but never really chatted. To me it was like 'This is great..made a new friend in the class, I get along with everyone now and are good friends with most people.' For him it was like 'Omg this girl is going to marry me.'

It's like what? Seriously? I gave him no reason to think that, maybe I'm the first girl that has been nice to him I don't know but things were so awkward after, as all day he was slipping in hints into our conversation. But not questionable ones. He was talking like he could just snap his fingers and we'd date, if he wanted to move the relationship on, so much for shy guy hah. Seriously I don't wanna hurt this guys feelings but he should really see how someone else feels before discussing me stopping at his house. I was shocked he was like you can sleep at my house and have my bed...I'll sleep on floor. I was thinking...why I have spoke to you three times and you are talking about stuff like that! Even if the guy was incredibly hot I wouldn't do that no way. I know people are going to slate me for not going out with him at college but to go out with someone you have to be attracted to them, I know it is personality yes that is a big thing but you still have to be attracted to them..and i'm not I see him as a friend.

My friend said today I think Tim fancies you and I was like yeah I know, it's pretty obvious. He was like go out with him and I said no I don't want to. He didn't understand why, I would of explained but I was scared Tim would overhear and get embarrassed infront of his friends. So awkward now after Easter I'm just going to give him that video he lent me back, and back away from him. He'd get less hurt that way in the long run, if I carry on being good friends he'll get even more ideas..

I said to my other friend Tim fancies me. She said what no he doesn't. And I said he does it's pretty obvious. Then after she was like so how'd you know he fancies me? I was like..no I said me..and she's like aw go out with him you want a boyfriend..I'm like..yeah it's not like wanting some new jeans..although you do have to like jeans to get them but yeah..anyways.

Anyways, just when you though a day like that would just calm down, but, no.

I got to the train station early from my last lesson. I was sat next to a middle aged woman and this guy comes up to us staggering and asks us to move over. I let him sit, straight away to smell the alcohol on him, plus whatever he was smoking. Before anyone says anything, I WAS going to get up, but I was too scared, I'm like that around drunk or drugged up people especially when you don't know them. He started talking to me after the woman went, saying he was to go to Stourbridge, I had to remind him five times of that when he kept forgetting where he lived. He nearly got onto the train to London but I stopped him doing the thing every nice person does. Funny how someone that worked at the train station new he was plastered but didn't help him, instead, left him sitting next to a young girl.

 Good job he wasn't the violent drinker type. I helped him get onto his train as it was the same one as me. I sat down relaxed and then about 10 minutes later he staggered over to me, and started talking again. I felt so sorry for him, I mean he said himself he just wanted to get home and wash off but to get that pissed there must have been a reason. He looked just like John, thinner version and turns out his name was John. Which made my mum laugh when I told her. I hope he got off at the right stop.

Leanne was on the train, oh and Sam but he didn't even look at me, hah. Leanne was talking to me when she noticed me and said that someone I used to hang around with got stabbed in the neck, and survived two days ago, She said her name but I didn't recognise it. She said we all used to hang around together so either she is getting me mixed up with someone else or I didn't know this girl well, cause i'd remember. She said I'd know if I saw her so I dunno, I hope whoever it is is okay now but I just wish I could remember ugh. I've even forgotton the name now through all the noise. Anyway Leanne is great, she is much calmer than she used to be she even wants to go to Uni, so good luck to her she is doing great. I hope I bump into her again. So at least my day had one good highlight, kinda.

Wednesday. Yes today...

Another shite day. It started off good, got to the station on time, I looked pretty good. Everything was fine until I was getting off the train in Worcester. Yeah, see I got up from my seat, and my jeans were stuck to something. Turns out I had sat on chewing gum. What kind of idiot leaves fucking chewing gum on a seat? Yeah someone who wanted a laugh..Oh god but I'm so used to shit like this happening I barely looked twice. I pulled my jeans from it, gather..there were a lot of people around me, on a busy train LOVELY. I embarrsingly took myself off the train and walked calmly to mcdonalds right down the road, with a big chunk of used chewing gum stuck to the back of my jeans. With tons of people able to see it, right on my ass. Seriously, I don't know how I didn't cry. It took me ages in Mcdonalds toilets to pick it off bit by bit. Bare in mind I felt like throwing up every two seconds due to it having had been in someones mouth. Ugh. Ugh. I feel sick writing about it but I have to get it off my chest. Seriously. I told everyone at college when everyone was talking about their days, but no one really said much. I think they'd say a hell of a lot more if it happened to them.